I am feeling to share my experiences around the emotions of anger and the healing process as I know that many of you are struggling and confused at this time.
When I was little around the age of 8 or so I remember being in the back of our Dad’s car with my siblings to pick up our Mum. We were in Leeds town centre somewhere near the market as it was the weekly Saturday shopping day. Our Dad was always a very law abiding citizen yet he would always stand strong in his beliefs. Speaking out if he felt there was injustice in the world.
Unable to walk any great distance our Dad had pulled up on yellow lines to pick our Mum up with the shopping. Seat belts had only just been introduced and he was unable to wear one because of his disability. This was back in the times before any kind of disability badges were around too.
I vividly remember a traffic warden coming up to the car to try give our Dad a ticket. Whilst our Dad engaged in conversation with the warden I remember not liking the feelings I was experiencing. I sat in the back of the car with my eyes closed, fingers in my ears, rocking and humming to drown out what was going on. I now believe to try and erase the moment.
Our Dad was a conscientious objector in wwll. He was assigned to the Red Beret Parachute Regiment Medical Core. On parachuting down he still refused to take arms. One day whilst stretchering a casualty back to the medical tent the guys stood on a land mine. Apart from flying shrapnel which brought some deafness our Dad lost his left foot. He was 24 years of age.
Back then the prosthesis were no where near as advanced as they are today. Our Dad had to wear a big heavy kind of plastic false leg and foot which came with a massive leather laced strap. This strap was worn above the left knee. Another thick 2-3 inch wide strap went from the laced strap up across his torso, right shoulder and back down to the back of the laced strap. I can clearly remember all these straps he had to wear caused chaffing. He must have suffered a lot of pain though he never complained other than to say on the odd occasion it felt sore.
Our Dad did have a short prosthetic leg, though that was only used for short periods of time. On this day he was wearing the normal full false leg. He was explaining to the warden the reasons why he was unable to wear a seatbelt across his opposite shoulder. And why he was parked where he was.
The warden obviously didn’t believe him so our Dad showed him the big thick shoulder strap. With the warden still disbelieving, our Dad then pulled his sock down to reveal the hard plastic. And he knocked on his leg to prove what he was saying. It was at this point when not liking the feelings I was experiencing around this heated discussion that I began closing myself off and humming.
As the energy of memories remain in our DNA, whenever we experience similar situations these memories can resurface. They can feel quite traumatic as we feel and relive the emotions of that time.
I know that holding anger in the body is not good. We have to vent it out to stop it from festering and causing further trauma in our body’s. So back in 1995 when I was diagnosed with a disability I knew that I had to focus any angry feelings I was experiencing in a positive and constructive way. As I did this, after a period of 13 years my body began to heal.
Another occasion when I was angry I was given support in a safe place to thrash a chair with a rolled up newspaper to clear the pent up anger I was holding inside. Afterwards I realised this anger was connected to authorities unknowledgeable and nonsensical rulings. It was not surprising then some years ago now when I was feeling anger rising up about yet another situation to do with authorities nonsensicalness that the memory of the incident with our Dad and the warden surfaced. Though this time into my consciousness.
Because this memory was now in my awareness this became very healing for me as over time I questioned myself about what was really going on inside of me. I came to realise the ‘false evidence appearing real’ was that I was only feeling the ‘fear of the fear’, and of what… As I came to realise this it made no sense to me. And over time I began to let go of those false feelings by recognising and acknowledging that they had no place in my life now.
In the same context the ‘fear’, false evidence appearing real scenario in the world today is simply that, ‘false evidence appearing real’. We are the owners of our feelings, our inner truths. It is up to each one of us individually to search within our own hearts and feel our own truth.
Identifying our anger is the first step in healing those feelings.
Like many of us I was led to believe that partaking in certain substances was one of the main reason for cancers. Years ago I read that anger in the body has a probable cause of long held resentment in the body. I had never understood why when our Dad had never smoked or drank that he passed away from pancreatic cancer. Only a few years ago now did I learn from a dear cousin of mine that our Dad was never the same after the war.
In that moment enlightenment dawned. Like most who had been through that physical experience of war he had never spoken about it thereby allowing any angry feelings and resentments to lay festering inside eating away at his stomach. Leaving him unable to digest and assimilate life. Yet always, given the opportunity he would try to help others like the traffic warden, to understand and question the injustices of the world. Hadn’t he suffered enough in the war to have the right to choose for himself how to look after his own body?
As people are now waking up across the globe during this psychological world war it is so important to use any anger we may be feeling in a constructive, positive loving way lest we manifest this anger internally thereby causing an inner destruction of our soul.
Feeling the emotions within our heart centre, deeply listening to what our own soul truly believes. Rising up and speaking out. Sharing our feelings without any fears of ridicule. Questioning and challenging that which sits uncomfortably within us knowing what we sense from our innate wisdom is really the truth. All are healing.
Proud to be our father’s daughter following in his footsteps as a conscientious objector from the loving space of our hearts. Like my father before me I too speak out whenever I am feeling injustice. No time more prevalent than this moment. We are not here on earth in physical form to destroy others by using divide and rule ‘fear’ tactics and scaremongering. We are here to help each other.
And we too have the right to choose for ourselves how to look after our own body.
It is my belief that we are born manifest to help others understand pure unconditional love in all it’s forms. By working on our own personal devolvement from our inner core then joining together as one human collective in a healing peaceful manner we can all evolve. Growing together, moving us all forward from this time of gross insanity into a beautiful loving world full of happy joyous experiences.
What can you do for you that will in turn help the whole of humanity?
Choose wisely. Time to stand up in loving forgiveness and make our voices heard. Feel how much lighter we become when we share our spiritual truth, the very essence of who we are.
All we can ever know for sure is the truth we feel in our own hearts. For this is pure soul truth.
We are not beholden to the state. We are beholden only to ourselves. To our own heart and soul, our own sovereign power. To rising up, to singing and dancing. Its a beautiful day for waking up and sharing our truth!
Little did I realise on beginning this blog that it is actually Father’s Day here in the UK today so I can think of no better tribute than to honour our forefathers and ancestors than one of forgiveness, healing and Unity. Happy Paternal Healing Day!
Please consider subscribing to my newsletter in the link below. Thank you!