“Healing is not always a ‘quick fix’, healing is a constant, a clearing away of the toxic layers we hold on to, often through fear, unknowing of the magic that healing brings.
“Keeping my faith, trusting and believing in the pure essence of every soul here on the planet at this time who are living the ‘human’ experience I know that we can all heal from the inner torments that haunt us and can find that peace we so desperately seek in our minds and hearts. I have always known that we are all here to help each other, and who more than our very nearest and dearest. Yes, helping to be a guide along the healing path is not always an easy ride for me, though much laughter lightens the darkest hours, but it is a ride that I am forever grateful for, for I would not be able to learn the lessons that I too need to evolve and grow along this most tumultuous of rides!
Now, as Alan opens up a little further, slowly sharing in writing with the world a little of the confusion that reigns within, may this help to be a beacon of light in your darkness – know that you are not alone if you only reach out…” – Jenny Tollinton
ALAN – WIRED DIFFERENT – Confusion
How many tickets have I bought to ride the express train of madness and despair as I headed towards the station of no return, an endless journey that never ends? Deep, dark, the sound of never-ending laughter from a world that I created in my mind, the sound of demons. The fears, the anger the never-ending search for some peace, people all around that seemed just like the matrix, was this my real world?
These are my words based on my experiences. It does not matter whether you have problems with weight, depression, overspending, anxiety and so on, this is so relevant to you whatever level you are at. Your despair can indeed be your nightmare. Over the coming weeks I hope to inspire someone to believe you can climb that personal mountain of yours and turn the corner to a happy you.
I have been lifted and carried by an army of angels throughout my life. I feel their presence for sure, I should be long dead by now. I knew from a very early age that I did not belong to planet earth and that my journey through dimensions was interrupted as my final destination never materialised, where was I going? And what were the tasks I needed to fulfil?
I have always related to the eccentrics of this world, geniuses filled with that extra ‘break the norm mould’ from Vincent Van Gogh to Jimi Hendrix, George Best to Robin Williams and many more. Some came through and some never made peace within. I do believe that my spiritual journey will allow me to pass into my next journey flying with angels and thanking them as I pass. This is not the ramblings of a madman but one who has to fight the inner demons of addiction, and a feeling of loneliness and disconnection in this earth body.
I do however smile at life. Often, I had wished that I had been wired differently, secretly I would have liked to have been Mr reliable 9 to 5, 2.5 kids, but of course my ego told me they were boring ****** but when you fall to your knees waiting to die you will take any measures. I know I have to work so hard to keep grounded, you see I can easily buy another ticket to ride that express train to madness.
What are the changes then that are slowly bringing inner peace and love? Guided healing support from my beloved Jenny. When we first met 7 years ago I had no inner peace. Although I had a spiritual feeling within I had no knowledge of the possibilities that I could embrace, to at least sleep at night without the fears of tomorrow. You see back then I felt healing was for hippies with their vegan Sunday lunches and from a different planet. That was how I felt before I met Jenny, not that she’s a hippie.
A cliché I know but like an onion, layers of behavioural patterns have to be removed. Acknowledging that I was not crazy and that the universe loved me. The drinking patterns causing many a riot often not remembering people, places and things, then the confidence thing, was I that bad? DID ANYBODY LIKE ME? Drink gave me that sod you attitude. Slowly the battle within diminishes, feeling the true power of the universe as the endless seamless movement of energy out there gets to the soul, hey I do not have to fight myself anymore! Remembering Jenny words, ‘trust and believe’, that was my starting point.
So, I do say to myself every day, keep going, because I am scared that I will live my next life just as this has been. To all of you that gets this, we do not want this again, do we? I see the weary fighting, the same battles I have had to endure to carry the darkness around within, it is hell. Lost souls, yes probably as it is so easy to accept defeat maybe just hoping you die in peace. Yet on a lighter note anything is possible, once you start to find some of that peace within.
The artworks I share with you are vibrant and fun, meant to bring laughter and a smile.
“Alien Flu (Careful, it may catch on): This piece is a combination of deep thought without stereotype boundaries. The lines are indicating the journey, the colours are the feelings of those journeys. The other objects are Alien Flu with the hidden remedy for that flu finished in acrylic. Of course, you may ask what planet am I from? The answer is. If this work resonates with you, then we are from that same planet. Take care”
The jokes I share to lighten your day, for my mind is never still. I was having a conversation the other day with my loaf of bread from Sainsbury’s, it was an in-house bake. You need to be a surgeon to open the very tightly wrapped packaging. “Are you OK in there?” I said, “as you seem to be wrapped up too tightly.” When I released the loaf from its wrapper I actually said, “Let’s call the loaf Lenny, I bet you feel happier now you are out of that?” Lenny replied, “You’re not kidding I’m just like an Egyptian mummy!” “Why don’t they give you a bigger bag?” I said. – “CRUMBS”, said Lenny, “What a sensible idea, why don’t we go down to London and tell the boss?” Sorry, I said, “I don’t have enough dough!”
You see my mind can wonder at any time and that is why I understand how important it is to stay focused and well, next time I will tell you about my conversation with a tin of peas (free the pea).
Helping me to keep busy (grounded in the now says Jenny, bless her) now I potter round an allotment, helps in bringing peace and a sense of belonging. Starting from scratch as this is a bomb site.
Of course, I do know that potatoes are round, but I would like to grow square ones as they are easier to peel, and carrots are orange but hey why not sky blue? So, you see I still have work to do on myself (or do I). Imagine the allotment in my world with a fusion of Alice in Wonderland.
So, healing does work, if you work at it and trust and believe. Why not try for yourself, you may never know what potential you have, just use the key within to unlock.